Miss Monkey

In My Head

aMiracle — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 18:04:56 -0800

I just wanted to make a quick post because I've been slacking off really bad. What's new? I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. Mine was pretty OK. I spent the day with my mom. The rest of my family got together at my aunt's house. We passed.

Today has been really stressful. Actually, these past few months have been. I don't think I mentioned this in the past, but I've been suffering from depression for a few years now and recently it's gotten pretty bad. I'm trying to control it on my own and I'm not doing a great job at it. Recent events in my life have kind of triggered a lot of things in me and it's been very tough to get through every day.

For my own sanity I've started drawing again. :D It really helps me keep my mind off of the bad stuff. I also decided to open my art site back up as a distraction. Speaking of, I just started on this illustration that I plan to use in the theme. I have a long way to go but hopefully I'll finish the whole thing soon. I hope everyone is well!! :)

My Baby Came To Town...

aMiracle — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 08:54:49 -0800

So yesterday I'm posted in my room when I hear the doorbell ring. Gram opens the door and exclaims "OMG it's going to snow!" I roll my eyes and think, 'here she goes again, opening the door for randoms'. So then I hear a knock on my bedroom door! I screen visitors so I listened for voices. Then I hear, "UGH Godma won't open the door for me"!! Damnit man!! I did like a back flip off the bed to get to the door. It was my Goddaughter of course. *screams* I didn't even know she was coming to town. Man was I geeked!!

For those of you who don't know, my Goddaughter and I are extremely close because I raised her for the first few years of her life. I still continue to help raise her along with my cousin (her mom) but she now lives in PA and I don't see her as often as I would like to.

I was so happy to see my baby. She's gotten so big. She's almost my height! It's funny because usually when she comes to visit she stays under me, but yesterday she wasn't even that into me. LOL. She was preoccupied with her birthday gifts that I got her, all of the stuff in my room and my computer. It's cool though. Just seeing her made my heart so happy. Unfortunately my cousin had to get back to PA so they only stayed like 3 hours!!! Boo. :(

And Then You Disappear

aMiracle — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 08:53:10 -0800

I've been sitting here for about 30 minutes trying to figure out what to type here. This is exactly why my domain has been on hiatus for almost a year. I don't know how to express myself in a blog! I was looking at my old blog and sitting there like DAMN, girl you are depressing! But hell, life is depressing. I get caught up in trying to give all of myself while being censored. Yeah, it makes no sense. Unlike my other websites in the past I'm not giving this URL to family and friends so I can pretend that I don't have to be guarded.....

Right now I'm looking to take a nap. I got about 2 hours of sleep this morning. It's impossible to take naps in my house because my Grandmother doesn't know the meaning of silence. The more time I spend with my Gram the more my heart grieves for my mother as a child. I can really see why my family is so screwed up. The matriarch of the family isn't one. That's another story though...

When I think about it
I know that I was never held or even cared
The more I think about it
The less that I was able to share with you
I try to reach for you, I can almost feel you
You're nearly here
And then, you disappear...